It's beyond weird when you wake up in the morning, have a nice shower, feel good about yourself and can't see anything wrong with the life you're living and then by the end of the day, be sick of your life.
Thats how my day has been.
I'm finding things hard at the minute. Nothing in particular really, just everything. I don't know whats got me like this really. I mean, I have everything I could ask for: good friend, lovely boyfriend, nice family (the majority of it) and a pretty active social life, but right now, I'm just not seeing the point anymore. I honestly think theres something wrong with me :P
Something that pretty much everyone should know about me is that I'm very paranoid and I have some serious trust issues. It all goes down to one thing really. I mean, I blog, but I'm under no false illusion that a)anyone (bar a few) actually give a fuck what I'm yabbering on about and B) What goes on here is secret and private. It's the internet for god's sake, of course it's not private.
In sociology today, I just wasn't with it. Its not that I didn't want to do the work, it's just I couldn't see the point of doing the work. I know it's obviously important, otherwise we wouldn't be doing it, but like I said, I'm finding it hard to see the point in anything at the minute.
A lad in my lesson sniggered when I said I used to keep a diary. Is that sad? Not the sniggering thing, but the keeping a diary thing?
Come to think of it, it does seem a little bit sad that I felt I couldn't talk to people that I had to write everything down in a little A5 polka dot notebook, but I can't even do that anymore, because it's got to the point where I can't even trust my Diary, or more to the point, people around my diary.
My last diary got read, ripped up, vandalised and bitched about by my own mother. I honestly think that this is where the trust issues stem from?
I don't know anymore to be honest
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Monday, 7 March 2011
Sunday, 23 January 2011
I wish I could tell you this.
Dear Mam,
Is it really too much to ask to be treated the same as my brother? I know before I moved out I said that I felt second best to him, and the past 4 weeks has reenforced that feeling.
It might seem selfish, or petty, but why didn't you take me out for my birthday? Why didn't you even phone me. All I got was a text, and that was it.
Please don't spin the bullshit that you spent a lot on my birthday. I know my Driving licence was expensive, but you gave my brother that exact amount in money and you took him out for his birthday.
Matthew says that I can't have the best of both worlds, and I would get that if he got the same treatment, but he doesn't. You took him out for his birthday, and when he came over to dads, dad took him out for his birthay. Am I being selfish to want that aswel?
And as for not inviting me to matthew's birthday due. At first, I was pissed off, but now I'm just plain hurt, because you of all people, you, who I spent god knows how long complaining to when Dad took matthew to the football and left me on my own, should know how upset I get when I'm deliberatly excluded. It hurts and you didn't even think to text me to let me know of the plans.
I know that I should probably phone you, or text you to explain all this to you, because despite having all these issues with you, you're still my mother and I still want to have a realtionship with you, but why can't you pick up the phone and do it. After all, I'm still your daughter and you still want to have a relationship with me. I'm sick of being the one to make the effort to get in contact only to have it thrown back into my face.
Do you know how shit it makes you feel watching every girl in your class getting texts off their mothers wishing them luck for the exams and being the only girl staring blankly at her phone, just waiting for it to flash with a good luck text, and still be waiting for it after the exam thinking that it might just be network delay?
Why did you have to take the piss out of my dyslexia at christmas and new year?
Why did you have to degrade me?
Why did you have to hurt me?
from
your daughter
Is it really too much to ask to be treated the same as my brother? I know before I moved out I said that I felt second best to him, and the past 4 weeks has reenforced that feeling.
It might seem selfish, or petty, but why didn't you take me out for my birthday? Why didn't you even phone me. All I got was a text, and that was it.
Please don't spin the bullshit that you spent a lot on my birthday. I know my Driving licence was expensive, but you gave my brother that exact amount in money and you took him out for his birthday.
Matthew says that I can't have the best of both worlds, and I would get that if he got the same treatment, but he doesn't. You took him out for his birthday, and when he came over to dads, dad took him out for his birthay. Am I being selfish to want that aswel?
And as for not inviting me to matthew's birthday due. At first, I was pissed off, but now I'm just plain hurt, because you of all people, you, who I spent god knows how long complaining to when Dad took matthew to the football and left me on my own, should know how upset I get when I'm deliberatly excluded. It hurts and you didn't even think to text me to let me know of the plans.
I know that I should probably phone you, or text you to explain all this to you, because despite having all these issues with you, you're still my mother and I still want to have a realtionship with you, but why can't you pick up the phone and do it. After all, I'm still your daughter and you still want to have a relationship with me. I'm sick of being the one to make the effort to get in contact only to have it thrown back into my face.
Do you know how shit it makes you feel watching every girl in your class getting texts off their mothers wishing them luck for the exams and being the only girl staring blankly at her phone, just waiting for it to flash with a good luck text, and still be waiting for it after the exam thinking that it might just be network delay?
Why did you have to take the piss out of my dyslexia at christmas and new year?
Why did you have to degrade me?
Why did you have to hurt me?
from
your daughter
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