It hit me today that no matter how old you are, and whatever the curcumstances, you always need your siblings.
They're are the ones that share your life with you, good times and bad. They'll be in pretty much every chapter of your life, heck, some chapters might even be all about them.
I have two brothers. My first being Matthew, the brother to which this blog is dedicated. I couldn't have asked for more of him today. When I needed him, he was there. We cried together, and for he first time in a long time, we hugged. Today was the day I left home. I went to my mother's to collect my things and transfer them to my dad's where I am living now.
Now, I'm not going to go into details to why I have moved out, but we can safely put it down to an argument that got out of hand.
I'm not going to try to make myself seem like the victim in all this, because I'm not completely innocent, I have my faults and I put my hands up and admit that. But anyway, Matthew helped me carry my things to the door, even when our mother was telling him to leave me, and he even stood between us as we screamed at each other and tried to stop us arguing.
The only words I clearly remember from today's ordeal was the words he spoke to me before I left the house. We were both crying, although in very different ways ( I was sobbing quite hard without bothering to try to hide it because come on, what was the point, and he was being all manly about it, trying to not let it show ) and we were waiting for my dad's car to turn around when he said,
"Just promise me one thing...You'll look after Joseph the way you looked after me"
That one sentence still brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat everytime I stop to think about it. It broke my heart to drive away from him, but I had to, otherwise I would never have done it.
I know I'll still see him, of course I will, and who know's, maybe not seeing each other so often will help us stop arguing all the time.
So, Matt, if you ever read this, Thank You for being there for me all the times I've needed you, and thanks for not holding grudges, and I know I never tell you, but I do actually love you, believe it or not :P
x
Monday 30 August 2010
Saturday 21 August 2010
I am not proud of myself AT ALL
I have nothing to be proud of to be honest. I've spent the last few days feeling sorry for myself, watching Sex And The City and lying on the sofa thinking about getting a job. I did do a CV and filled out a couple of application forms, but right now I can't bother myself to do anything.
I have to go to my mother's tomorrow and collect a couple of my things. Oh yeah, I should explain that. I've been kicked out and am currently living with my dad. It isn't as bad as it seems, I've had a lot of support off by friend's, without them, I would be completely fooked, which wouldn't be good.
I'm bricking it for tomorrow I really am, I don't know how she's going to react to me showing up there.
Also, I know this is going to sound silly, but I've been having bad dreams about getting bad results on result day. If I don't do well, I'm going to be so dissapointed. I'm not bothered about french, I know I'm going to fail that any way, so I'm not all too bothered, but my Grandad was saying ealier this week "I bet you get A's in everything" Talk about pressure.
So that got me thinking
Why does people's opinions matter so much?
They shouldn't really, We should do our best for our selves, not because someone else says we should be good at something. Really, we should aim to acheive our own goals, not the goals out parents or friends set for us. Maybe if we did that we wouldn't feel so dissapointed if we don't achieve the goals we set, because then we're only letting our selves down and not everyone else, and I think that's why people get upset when they don't do as well as predicted, because they care too much about what other people thing of them.
So all I can say in conclusion is that in future we should set realistic goals for ourselves, and not set them because others tell us that we should be achieving more
I have to go to my mother's tomorrow and collect a couple of my things. Oh yeah, I should explain that. I've been kicked out and am currently living with my dad. It isn't as bad as it seems, I've had a lot of support off by friend's, without them, I would be completely fooked, which wouldn't be good.
I'm bricking it for tomorrow I really am, I don't know how she's going to react to me showing up there.
Also, I know this is going to sound silly, but I've been having bad dreams about getting bad results on result day. If I don't do well, I'm going to be so dissapointed. I'm not bothered about french, I know I'm going to fail that any way, so I'm not all too bothered, but my Grandad was saying ealier this week "I bet you get A's in everything" Talk about pressure.
So that got me thinking
Why does people's opinions matter so much?
They shouldn't really, We should do our best for our selves, not because someone else says we should be good at something. Really, we should aim to acheive our own goals, not the goals out parents or friends set for us. Maybe if we did that we wouldn't feel so dissapointed if we don't achieve the goals we set, because then we're only letting our selves down and not everyone else, and I think that's why people get upset when they don't do as well as predicted, because they care too much about what other people thing of them.
So all I can say in conclusion is that in future we should set realistic goals for ourselves, and not set them because others tell us that we should be achieving more
Monday 9 August 2010
Seriously, you guys puzzle me!
What is it with you guys out there? Why do you insist on confuzing me beyond belief? I'm only one girl, I can't work you out on my own, and I'm pretty sure that if I and all the other girls in the world should team up we still wouldn't be able to understand you'se!
So what's brought this on you may ask, well, I was at a spectacular wedding yesterday, I had a brilliant time, I enjoyed being with my friend, meeting new people and you know, general wedding stuff. My friend has a new Step-Brother(lets call him PBoy), he's an awesome guy, funny, chatting, he can sing and I know neither he or my friend will mind me saying that he is a looker. He is also in a relationship.
Like all Relationships, his is facing what may be classed as a bit of a problem, but it's clear he still loves his girlfriend very much, and she loves him in return. However, My friend has a cousin(lets call her EGirl), who is in no way blood related to the guy in question. She's very pretty, very funny and a good laugh to be around, I can't say I know her well seeing as I only met her last night, but she made a good first impression and I thought she was a nice enough girl.
When back up in our room at about 2am (EGirl had gone home by this point)PBoy confessed that he had a bit of a school boy crush on EGirl. Fair enough right? Everyone is allowed to have a bit of a crush on someone their not with, as long as you stay completely faithful to your partner. That when PBoy said something that shocked me to my core. I won't repete what he said, but I wasn't impressed at all. I didn't want to tell him that I didn't think what he was talking about wasn't fair, because lets face it, I'm a whimp, but yeah.
How can you be so happy in a relationship, so in love, then considering doing something that could potentally ruin your life? It seems stupid. I know that it's not only guys that do that, so please don't think I'm being baised, because I know girls can pretty much screw up there relationships with decent guys by making silly decisions, I just don't understand it myself.
Also, somemthing that is bugging (and if someone, ANYONE, can help me understand this I would be very grateful) My boyfriend bought me an amazing gift the other day, I was so happpy I nearly cried when I was in the house on my own. He sent tme lovely texts and told me he loved me right up until I fell asleep. Then the next day he blanked all my texts, he didn't bother trying to get in touch, it just seemed like he really couldn't give a damn. I don't know what he means by it, and just URGH!
Anyway,
Au reviour
Mes Amis
J'adore Tu (:
xxx
So what's brought this on you may ask, well, I was at a spectacular wedding yesterday, I had a brilliant time, I enjoyed being with my friend, meeting new people and you know, general wedding stuff. My friend has a new Step-Brother(lets call him PBoy), he's an awesome guy, funny, chatting, he can sing and I know neither he or my friend will mind me saying that he is a looker. He is also in a relationship.
Like all Relationships, his is facing what may be classed as a bit of a problem, but it's clear he still loves his girlfriend very much, and she loves him in return. However, My friend has a cousin(lets call her EGirl), who is in no way blood related to the guy in question. She's very pretty, very funny and a good laugh to be around, I can't say I know her well seeing as I only met her last night, but she made a good first impression and I thought she was a nice enough girl.
When back up in our room at about 2am (EGirl had gone home by this point)PBoy confessed that he had a bit of a school boy crush on EGirl. Fair enough right? Everyone is allowed to have a bit of a crush on someone their not with, as long as you stay completely faithful to your partner. That when PBoy said something that shocked me to my core. I won't repete what he said, but I wasn't impressed at all. I didn't want to tell him that I didn't think what he was talking about wasn't fair, because lets face it, I'm a whimp, but yeah.
How can you be so happy in a relationship, so in love, then considering doing something that could potentally ruin your life? It seems stupid. I know that it's not only guys that do that, so please don't think I'm being baised, because I know girls can pretty much screw up there relationships with decent guys by making silly decisions, I just don't understand it myself.
Also, somemthing that is bugging (and if someone, ANYONE, can help me understand this I would be very grateful) My boyfriend bought me an amazing gift the other day, I was so happpy I nearly cried when I was in the house on my own. He sent tme lovely texts and told me he loved me right up until I fell asleep. Then the next day he blanked all my texts, he didn't bother trying to get in touch, it just seemed like he really couldn't give a damn. I don't know what he means by it, and just URGH!
Anyway,
Au reviour
Mes Amis
J'adore Tu (:
xxx
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