I've Never Realised How Much Of A Freak I am!

Have you ever just sat infront of a mirror and just picked things about yourself that you don't like or wish you could change.
If you have, I know I'm not alone, If you havn't I don't recomend it.
So I'm now going to have a rant about the things I don't like about myself.

If you don't really care, stop reading.......NOW!

1. One of my eyes is bigger than the other!
2. I have a stupid hole in my stupid cheast. (seriously, look at any of my pictures and you'll see it, and what makes things worse is that I've been told its potentally cancerous by my mother, thanks for that mum...)
3. My hair fall out a when ever I run my fingers through it. (I was told that when my hair is falling out, it needs cutting, I had my hair cut a few weeks ago and it still hasn't stopped falling out!)
4. I Have a number of stupid Scars that I can't explain!
5. I have a dent in my forehead off when I had the chicken poxs.

And the list goes on and on and on....

And what makes matters worse, I've lost my voice!

well, not lost it, but it's going and I sound like a frog thats been stood on "/

So yeah, not having A good day today.

Threw a dither spaz this morning because I couldn't find my school tie.

Had to have my photo taken for the year book, I smile like a freak, and my makeup was uneven.

And my legs are randomly hurting.

Oh yeah, and my Exzma has decided to make a comeback! yey! so now I look like I have flees or something because I'm scratching all the time, which I can imagion looks rather funny, but it hurts a bit.

Gota remember to keep on smiling, even if I do look like divv when I smile

We've Made Contact!!

After, like, two (maybe three) months, My ex boyfriend spoke to me.

So what?

It's like a major breakthrough for me because its not even like I provoced him or anything, I didn't start the conversation, and yeah, it was about school and stuff, but it's still a conversation isn't it?

It's weird really, but yeahh, I've just saw a picture of him and his current girlfriend, they look sweet together, and honestly, I'm not really too bothered by seeing it. No pang of jelousy, No regrets, No "gosh, I wish I was her", just "awhhh sweet".

But I have to say, I honestly don't know what they have in common, they share no common intrests as far as I know, she listens to totally different music to him (I'm not a stalker, I just know she loves JLS wereas he hates them) but mehh.

I want to go to the park,

not sure why really,

I just have the urge to go to the park with a sketch pad or my writing book and do something creative, however, I can't because I have to do the stupid ironing In a bit ¬¬

x

Person I Don't Know The Name Of: Theres something your not telling me.... House: I'm gay...Oh, thats not what you mean?

I am seriously on a High about All Time Low!

They were amazing!! And funny!! And a bloody good night out xD

However, they didn't play Holly Would You Turn Me On like I hoped they would, but, they did play Six Feet Under The Stars and Dear Maria, two of my other favourites.

Also I did something that would make Gracie proud of me...

I watched many episodes of House today

And I have to admit, it was rather good and rather funny, and I may see why Gracie finds Greogory House nice...

I might even find him nice myself.

I really can't think of anything else to write about today, there really isn't any issues I could think of today because today all I really did was chill infront of the Telly and bask in the glory on House lol.

x

Holly, Would You Turn Me On?

Well, Mr Darcy has certainly upped my standard in men and boys alike.

Who, like me, is waiting for their very own Mr Darcy?

At first he may seem arrigant and self obsessed and when your reading the book or watching the film you just want to say "Oh for god's sake get your head out of your arse!!" but you don't, you just look on in awe and wonder what it must be like to be Elizabeth Bennit. Lucky Lady ¬¬

If you've ever read Mr Darcy, Vamyre, you'll understand me when I say that his being a Vampyre doesn't put you off him in the slightest, in fact you tend to love him even more for him protecting Elizabeth like he does.

On the subject of wonderful men, I would like to take this opertunity to tell you all how gorgous my supply teacher was today.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

I don't think I've ever payed attention in BCS like I payed attention today, and all my hard work payed off to, he called me a "star pupil".

Okay, so yeah, I sound like the biggest geek alive to be proud that I was called a "Star Pupil" but if you had seen the teacher you would be pleased too.

ANDDDDDD

I'm going to see and awesome band on Friday!!

All Time Low!

How gorgous are these guys please?

seriously I'm going to be swooning all night XD

I really hope they play 'Holly, Would You Turn Me On'

because that would make me feel really special lol
not that they'll dedicate it to me or anything but I can pretend that they did :P

x

As I'm Pacing The Pues In A Church Corridoor (:

Mother of mine is in the wedding swing of things now. It's not really as if she's getting married soon, its still a few years away to be fair. But anyway, it's rather fun helping planning a wedding, which is what I'm doing. I'm the only person who has seen my mother in her dress, I'm designing my own dress (which has to be pink, not sure to rejoyce or cry) and (!!!!) I've just wrote her vows for her.

You see, I've always been into poetry and stuff like that and I can spin loads of words of, wether they be poetry, lyrics or just random words, and make them sound pretty. Unfortuntly I don't have premission off my mother to put them up here yet (its my work "/) but I guess its because she wants to keep them quite for a while so my step-father to be won't catch wind of them, which would be naff, and I wouldn't be surprised if Andy asks me to write his vows, so like LOL!

But anyway, all this talk about weddings has been making me feel very wedding-ly. However, I have more pressing matters to talk about than my wedding (which probably won't happen for a few decades yet)

I basicly want to talk about talking. That sounds odd doesn't it?

Well yeah, you see, one of my close friends nearly give me a heart falure today when she suddenly broke down and started crying. You see, she really doesn't have alot of self-asteam, I mean, she's really pretty, smart and funny, but sometimes she doesn't see this in herself. And to add to her low self-asteam, she lately told a lad she likes him and he hasn't bothered to talk to her about it, which she really shouldn't worry about, because I personally think that any guy would be flattered to be told that, and any guy would be totally lucky to have my friend.

She doesn't really like being centre of attenetion so she doesn't tend to talk about her feelings alot, and I think that botteling up her feelings like she does lead to her break down today.

I'm also talking from self experience here, I know that my friends have had to deal with my random break downs on many occasions when I havn't talked about feeling down and things upsetting me. You see, this is why I love blogging, because you can talk about all your feelings and no-one really has the right to judge you, and its such an easy way to get things off your chest. So, here are some random but helpful tips for when your feeling down, lonely, or you just need a chat.

Write it down

Wether it be in your diary, an email or letter (you don't need to send it, just like I never sent my letter to mark) or in a blog, write down how you feel. Its a simple, easy way of talking about things without having to open your mouth and worry about they way things sound.

Read up on it.

Sometimes, I find, that reading real life stories about the way you feel can really help beacause it shows you that you're not alone in the way your feeling. Websites such as Slink ( www.bbc.co.uk/slink ) can really help because you get to know how other people beat the way they felt and how they made themselves feel better and what helped

and most importantly...

Talk about it.

Talking to your close, trusted friends or members of your family that you know will listen is one of the easiest things to do isn't it? We do it everyday, so what the big deal about telling them your problems? Maybe it because your embrassed about your problems or you just don't feel confident in talking about it, but you know, your close friends and family will never judge you if you go to them with your problems, if anything they'll be proud that you have the courage to talk about it, and they can help you, you never know, you might find something out about them that you didn't know before and it might really open your eyes.

So talk about it people, its the best thing to do (:

Happy Blogging (:

x

For A Pessimest, I'm Pretty Optimistic (:

Have just been told by my mother that's I'm the biggest pessimest she's ever met (besides herself), so I basicly laughed at her and said, "For a pessimest, I'm pretty optimistic". She just looked at me all weird and said, "Do you have to have an aswer to everything?" I nodded and made my way to my room, where I sat on my bed and opened my blog and started blogging.

So, what to blog about?

Hmmmm, I could tell you about my work expericence which I'm not even sure I've got yet.

Or I could tell you how much I hate my brother and the reasons why.

Or I could tell you what I did in my double music lesson today.

You know what? I'm going to blog about all of them!!

Awesome huh?

Well, Work experience, Probably the most stress a fifteen year old will have to go through. I thought that I had a deffinate placement at a special needs school, which I was really looking forward to going to because I really want to be a primary school teacher. So I phone the lady who said she would give me the placement, but it turns out I need to hand in a coverage letter (what ever that is) and my connections form and even then its not an absulute deffinate that I'll get to go there "/ How annoying please?

So If I don't get it, I'm screwed because I have hardly any time to get another placement sorted!!

This is why my mother was calling me a pessimest because I'm convinced that I won't get it, and she's saying that I will, but I'm not convinced, I never get in anything, so why should this be any different?

Right then, My borther. Well, he was grounded for getting a detention, and he wasn't meant to be aloud out for a whole week. He's gone out tonight with my mother's premission!!

See, if it was me, I would have been grounded for the whole week, no 'buts', 'ifs' or 'ors'.

Not that it makes much of a difference to me because I don't like going out on weeknights, I prefer to stay in and make sure I've got all my homework ready, my bag pack for school and my uniform where I can find it.

But ditzy little matthew doesn't do this, he gets detentions, gets into fights, does nothing around the house and then gets let out to go skating with his friends and doesn't come home till late...and he's only 13!!

Me, I hardly ever get detentions, I never get into fights, I do more than my fair shair around the house and the only time I was aloud out during the weeks was to go out with my boyfriend on friday nights, and now that I'm single again I don't even get to do that, and I'm nearly sixteen for heven's sake!!

Okay, Rant over.

Music, Jake abondend me (much to my missery) and left me to compose the song we're writing on my own, and you know what, I actually progressed, alot. I wrote all the lyrics and I was planning on letting him come up with the music, but you'll never guess (with the help of mrs.B, thanks miss (: ) I finshed the music to the first verse and bridge and I'm now starting on the coures (:

I feel very musical. For once, I feel like my brain is really being put to use, Its amazing!!

So yeah, Enough of my random rambleing, anyone fancy a chat, about anything at all, just drop me a comment and I'll get back to you when ever I can.

Responsablities, We All Have 'Em

Capricorn, You're feeling gregarious this Wednesday and you're certainly excellent company to have around. Any kind of group activity at school will be a lot of fun, although you may feel put out that you can't be with the people you most want to be with. Never mind - consider it an opportunity to make new friends.

Well, if I was feeling gregarious today It's not a very good feeling, Actually hang on, I'm going to look it up and find out what it actually means...

Gregarious-Fond of other's company; sociable.

Well, I was greatfull that my friends were there but I wasn't really feeling Sociable, but for that I have my reasons. I highly doubt that I was good company either because I was a moody cow all day. Didn't get in volved with any group activities and didn't really feel put out at any given point, also didn't make any new friends although a new girl joined my science class, maybe that might be the opportnunity it's on about.

Not really In a very good mood. Basicly because of what happened yesterday. Things started to perk up after dinner and by the time it was time to go home I was in a pretty reasonable mood. That was untill I actually got home.

I stood outside my house banging on the door and throwing stones at my brother's window because he had locked the door and left his key in the lock, so I couldn't get in. I did this for half an hour...

So, I finally gets in the house and as you can imagion I'm in a pretty pants mood. My knuckels and the base of my hand are red because off all the banging on the door (the base of my hand was red aswell because when my kuckels started hurting I started banging on the door full force with the base of my hand, clever? not really) and I get aload of name calling off my brother, (nothing new there then), I stomp up to my room and tidy up a bit (and its still a tip) and lof onto the computer, guess who's waiting on facebook for me, my 'friend', you know, the one who slept with my ex while I was still going out with when she slept with him. (Sorry if you sick of hearing me talk about this, but its playing a big part of my life at the moment, and I'm pretty het up about it, so maybe just skip ahead to the part where I talk about responsablity) and she's asking me if I'm talk to her, Which I'm not, and that "it wasn't really cheating, we didn't do anything", lier, mark wouldn't have said that he's slept with someone else for the sheer crack, then she has the cheek to say to one of my friends " he cheated on me as well ,he was two timing us both". She knew for a long time that I was going out with him and I loved him, and that she slept with him, and she didn't bother to tell me, thats what hurts, that she was meant to be my friend and she kept that from me.

So what's all go to do with responsabilitys? Nothing, that was just me rambeling about my crappy life, I need to get it off my chest so sorry if you got bored.

Right, Responsibalties. As a prefect you get the responsabilty of having to go on duty to stop pupils going into the school buildings when their not meant to, its like a health and safety thingy or something. So yeah, I have these two friends who, after 1o months, a still pretty loved up, which really is lovely, if not sickly sometimes, and they too are prefects...who have recently been neglecting their resonsablities.

Don't get me wrong I love them both to bits, and on the whole their really good friends (well one is, and the other is too when he isn't acusing me of pathetic thingys) but they really need to start taking their responsabilties more seriously. I mean they've only missed their duties twice, and me and Grace were going to lie for them and tell the teacher that they were on duty and stuff but had we told him that we would have been killed because he would have gone up to the duty point himself to check and then we would get a bollocking for lying. Poor Grace had to leg it up to where they were sitting to warn them to get on duty before sir got ahold of them, and even then they wern't going to do it.

Me and Grace were the only two bothering to do the duties, and even poor Lana does extra duties with us so she doesn't have to be alone. So why is it Lana can do extra duties and My Two Friends can't even make it to the ones there meant to do?

Oh God...

I seriously can't believe this is happening to me.

Okay, well, theres a story behind this blog entry, but I'm going to cut it short.

My ex boyfriend cheated on me when I was on holiday. Yeah, pretty blunt.

well guess what, I just found out who he cheated with.

Yeah, bummer. And I know it should hurt as much as it does, but what makes it hurt more is that it was my friend. Well, someone I know rather well and talk to on MSN.

She tried so hard to be my friend, to meet me in the town and get to know me better, to spend more time with me.

I think its safe to say we won't be doing any of these things anymore.

I know that in alot of my blogs I tend to bang on about how I'm getting over him and how I'm moving on in life, well, I still feel something for him, I guess thats always the case when it comes to the person you fell the hardest for.

Oh god, I really can't believe this, she was meant to be my friend, she always told me she would never go out with Mark incase she hurt me and she didn't want to do that, she bloody lied to me. Even when I told her he'd cheated on me, she went on about how much of a prick he is and how horrible and evil he is, AND SHE LIED BECAUSE SHE REALLY LIKES HIM TOO!!

She says she doesn't anymore because she has a boyfriend and Mark's a dick, but I know that her and her boyfriend will split up again like always and she'll go crying to Mark and they'll have a quick "feel good" shag to make her feel better...

...Okay that was harsh, and I shouldn't have said it, but...

ARGHHHH!!!

Why does life deal me these crappy cards? Why is it always me?

I mean, I know everyone has bad points in life when they feel the same as I do now, But I've been through so much and now this? Just when things were seemingly getting better, My relationship went down the pan and I find out that my ex slept with one of my friends when I was on holiday. It seems like everything is going back downhill again...

And its not even if I can have a good old cry on the sofa with a tub of Ben and Jerry's, watch old sad movies till early hours in the morning and not get out of bed till one in the afternoon because I have stupid homework to do and school to go to tomorrow ):

God Damn It!!

The Life Of A Caricorn (:

So, Yeah, I like reading my horiscopes...then either laughing or being bitterly disapointed when the things they say don't happen.
So guess what I'm going to do know...
You got it (I hope) I'm going to tell you what my horiscope says for today and tomorrow (:

Little surprises abound this Tuesday and the beauty of nature will be quite breathtaking for you - even if you live in the most urban of areas, keep your eyes open and notice the power of early autumn. It's quite a spiritual time, very good for appreciating that there's so much more to life than we often find time to think about.
Hah! Nature really hasn't caught my breath today becuase quite frankly its been pretty dull. And I'm finding it hard to keep my eyes peeled for the "power of early autumn" because being fair we havn't had much of a summer to move onto autumn. I'm not feeling very spiritual either because I have french next and Je Detest le francias (Yes I know its not spelt right, but I don't care)

So lets have a look at tomorrow's hmm?
You're feeling gregarious this Wednesday and you're certainly excellent company to have around. Any kind of group activity at school will be a lot of fun, although you may feel put out that you can't be with the people you most want to be with. Never mind - consider it an opportunity to make new friends.
Hmmmm, how will I be feeling....actually....what does gregarious mean?? Argh, terrible!!
Anyway, I hope I'm excellent company most of the time or at least nice to have around. eessh.
AND...me? Get involved I'm a group activity at school? hahahahahahha, what a load of old rubbish, I don't like getting invloved in group activities, especially at school.
So I won't get to be with my friends? Well that sucks, I don't make friends easily either..so that ain't good.

Typical isn't it?
I get quite good horiscopes and I don't like them...Ahh well, I'm sure tomorrow won't be too bad. I have to compair my day and horiscope tomorrow after school or something, so yeah

Have to go to french in like 20 minutes ):
Sad Face

Right, I'm off to be bored again seen as I can't think of anything else to write, Tra x

(:

I'll Always Be A Rock'n'Roll Nerd (:

Wouldn't mind a bit of Tim Minchin like (:
He is simply gorgeous, funny and talented at singing and paino. Perfect (:
And he so different too, he doesn't do typical stand up, he plays music and sings his song, which always make me laugh. My absulute favourite is "10 Foot Cock And A Few Hundered Virgins" and "Rock'n'Roll Nerd".
And he wears no shoes on stage either, which also makes him different.
Oh, I also love "So F**king Rock" aswell, I know all the actions now (: eeeh good times.
I have two people to thank for my Tim Minchin addiction and that would be two of my best friends Lana http://lanaslittlelife.blogspot.com/ and Grace http://spreadingtheloveandbloggingwithstyle.blogspot.com/ . So Thanks, Lana for introducing me to this amazing man because lets face it, you, Tim and rock and roll nerds are simply awesome (:
And Thanks so much Gracie for putting up with me through my though times and inviting me to yours so we can park our arses infront of your massive TV and watch Tim over and over again.
You two are the best (:

(:

So Sick.

Have you ever had one of them moments when your sitting alone in your room and your feeling pretty okay, then all of a sudden, you feel really down?
I just had one of the moments, and its not really like anything influenced it. I mean, no-one was being mean to me, no-one had said anything to upset me, I just suddenly became really depressed. How odd.

so, this is what I did. I made a list. Well two lists really. One of the things that get me down and one of the things that cheer me up.
so, here they are.

List One, Things That Get Me Down.
1. Remebering Sad Things.
When I remember the death of my Nana, I get really upset. And lately I've started getting upset over Mark (my ex). I'm not sure why. I mean, When we first broke up I wasn't really as upset as I am about it now, I think its probably just because its really starting to hit me, and it doesn't help when one of my friends (well, more like aquatence) is constantly banging on about him and how much of a dick he is but how much she loves him. I hate to admit it, but maybe i'm the tiniest bit jelouse of her, that she gets to see him so much and she's such good friends with him and he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
2.When My Friends Get Miss-Treated.
I was out with my friends the other day and one of them were very upset because her boyfriend was kicking off with her for one reason or another. He boyfriend once admitted to me that he was jelouse of me because I spend alot of time with his girlfriend. He also admitted that he thought that I was trying to steal her away from her. I had to explain to him that I was as straight as they get and that I had no sexual intrest in his girlfriend, she's just one of my best friends. He has a problem with all of her friends but for some reason he has an even bigger problem with me. Not sure why to be honest. But anyway, my friend felt the need to go home because she was so upset by what her boyfriend was saying to her and she thought that she was ruining the day for us, she wasn't, but her boyfriend was.
3. Sad Love Song.
They've just been making me feel alot worse to be fair. Is that what they're made for?
4. Constantly Being Put Down.
I get put down alot. Mainly by my little brother. I don't know why it bothers me so much...
I love to sing, so I sit in my room and sing quite loudly with or without music, then my brother comes in and tells me to shut up because i'm hideous, no one likes or loves me and I can't sing.
I've been told I can sing, and that I'm loved and I'm pretty, but when your brother comes and tells you differently, everything you've been told gets shattered and you feel crap about yourself.

And now for List Two
List Two, Things That Cheer Me Up.
1. Bubble Bath/Me Time
I love sitting in the bath with my "kind to sensitive skin" bubble bath and have some 'me time'. Its great, it gives you some peacefull time to think about everything your upset about. I find it best to go in the bath with your iPod. If your too afraid that you'll drop you presious in the bath, like I am, plug your speakers in and blast out your favourite tunes, and don't be afraid to sing at the top of your lungs and don't be afraid of anyone hearing you. If they do hear you, they'll just be glad your enjoying yourself.
2. Feel Good Movies
Mama Mai, Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging and Shrek are my favourite 'feel good' movies. I can sit and have a good old laugh at them and forget all my problems and get lost in the plot of the film and really enjoy myself. So hog the big TV, plonk yourself down on the sofa in your jammies with your favourite cusion and a bowel of popcorn or nacho chips relax.
3. Talking About My Problems.
Wether its in a blog, over msn, in person or simply over the phone, its good to talk about your problems. Don't be afraid to be a comfort seeker, talk to your friends who you know will sypathise with you and really listen and not pass judgment, the friends who know exactly what to say in the right places, because lets face it, you don't want to be telling your problems to someone who going to turn around and say "Well it's your own fault" or "You had it coming" because that just makes you feel even worse.
4. Curling Up With A Good Book.
For me, theres nothing better then curling up in bed with my favourite book, one that you can read over and over again and not get bored of, for me that's twilight or any jacqueline Wilson book. (Yes there a bit young for me now, but their still my childhood favourites.) if your not a reader then maybe lie in bed with your iPod or MP3 player and listen to the 'feel good' songs and absorbe the good lyrics

So their not very long lists this time, but I think they say alot, plus I'm trying to concentrate on writing my story, which i'm stuck on, the chapter im wrighting seems to be getting longer and longer than I intended it to be, but never mind, I just hope I havn't waffeled on too much, and I really hope it's not turning out Twilight-y
x

A Picture Of Dorian Grey

Would you sell your soul for an imortal life of good looks and fortune?

My self and two friends went to see the new Dorian Grey film today, and I must say it was amazing, and the guy who played Dorian was utterly Gorgeous, and he had a pair of wonderful eyes, the type you could totaly get lost in.
So, Would you sell you soul like Dorian did?
Me: I'm not sure. I think that for a while it would be nice to live a long time and look amazing and stuff but do you not think that life would get a bit lonely if you had to live like that forever? I mean, you would have to watch all your friends and family getting old and dying while you stay young and alive. Sure, you can make new friends, but you can't replace your good friends. Plus, you wouldn't be able to have a proper relationship with anyone because you would always know that you were keeping secrets from them, and then you would have to watch them getting old and dying without you.
You wouldn't be able to have children either if you think about it really. I mean you could have kids but after a while you would have to leave them because it's bound to confuse them a tad when they get to like 40 years old and they look so much older than you because you have the body and looks of a 20-odd year old. I think it would totally mess your life up.
However, It would be nice to literally have have all the time in the world to do stuff like travel the world and stuff, but you wouldn't really be able to share it with anyone.
I'd love to know you opinions and if you would do it or not, so drop me a comment (:

His Letter, The One I'll Never Send

Mark,
There is so much I never said to you, so much I've been thinking about since we broke up, and if I don't get it off my chest its going to eat me up inside.
I'll start from when I broke up with you. It wasn't a mistake. I know deep down that I've done the right thing for both me and you. I said to myself "I'll not dwell on every moment I spent with him, I'll move on quickly and not be all mopey and annoying to others, I'm stronger than that." Basicly, I lied to myself. I did dwell on every moment, good and bad.
Sometimes I lie in bed and cry myself to sleep, remembering all the times we lay in the grass in the park and talked about anything and everything, remembering your lips on mine, remembering the way your big strong hands held mine, knotting your long thin fingers through my short pudgy ones. I cry over every petty argument we had, and wonder if we hadn't argued over them, would we still be together? I don't think so.
You haunt me. Where ever I go, even if your not physicly there, your with me. When I'm walking to and from school or the town, I look in every bus that passes and hope your on it, and you'll see me walking with my head held high, supposinly getting over you. Ever time I walk down the back lane on the way home I day dream about you waiting at the bottom of my street and I recite what I would say to you in my head, only to be bitterly dissapointed when your not there.
I have problems answering quiz questions on Myspace and Facebook. I can't answer "Eye Colour" without remembering the time we lay in the park and you told me my eyes were blue (when they are so clearly green) and we had a fun little argument consisting of "blue","Green","Blue","Green" ect. inbetween kisses, and to make sure you won the argument you held each kiss on for longer before I finaly give in to you.
I can't answer "Hair Colour" without remembering the times your brushed my hair away from my face when it was windy, and how (even when it was a mess) you told me you loved it, loved me.
I try to hide it from my friends, try pretending everythings okay and I'm just fine, but trying to hide it from myself is alot harder.
I don't know if I would ever take you back if you asked. This is for many reasons.
1) My mam found out about what you did when I was on holiday (or whenever you did it). She told me that you will never step foot in our house ever again, never mind sleep on our sofa.
2) I will not be hurt by you again. I won't let it happen. I Can't let it happen.
3) This is going to sound terrible but, I'm not sure I really loved you like I thought I did. I mean, I did love you, oh yes, I loved you so much, but I don't think In love with you, I've realised theres a difference. Maybe given more time I might have fallen properly in love with you, but more time was the one thing we never had, and thats what kills me.
4) It was always so awkward to go out with you. No, thats the wrong way to phrase it. It wasn't awkward to go out with you, but you never seemed to have time for me, like I was getting in the way of things, and you never seemed to want to go out with me if my friends were there, I can only remember two times when we went out with my friends. Plus you never seemed to want to invite me out with your friends. I think that might have been because of the age difference that people frowned upon (Two years isn't really alot) but so many people said we were great together so I would have thought that that would cancel the age difference out. Apprently not.
I miss you, so much. I think about you every morning I wake up and everynight before I go to sleep. I dream about you nearly everynight, and the nights I don't its because I havn't slept because of thinking about you.
You make me so angry, happy, sad, confused, loved up and pissed off all at the same time. scary huh? I'm so angry at you for letting our relationship go down the pan, but I blame myself more.
You piss me off when I think about all the times you shunned me, but I kick myself for not trying harder.
Its not just you that does this, its everyone else to. I'm greatfull for the people who told me your bad for me and to break up with you, because they were just looking out for me, but at the same time they piss me off for saying that. Im only greatful that they've stuck by me, like you promised to do but never did.
Promises, how many of them did you break?
Well, you deffiantly promised me that you would never cheat on me. Hah! I took absulute comfort in that, and then you pulled that away from me and it broke my heart.
I'm glad I wrote this letter, I would love a return but I know I won't get one because you'll never get this letter of mine.

Thanks For The Memories....
Holly
x

Stop Doing That Or I'll Have You Reported!!

So, What were/are you like at school?
Me? I'm a bit of a Goodie-Two-Shoes if i'm being perfectly honest. I used to be in denial of this but now I take pride in being a prefect, a peer mentor, a house officer, was a member of the school concil for four years, and i write the house notices with my friends. I mean i do have my moment of back chat, failure to do homework and threats of detentions but i always feel terrible when i do these things.
I quite like being a prefect. You get to treaten smaller children, fun times.
My favourite threat has to be, "I'll have you reported!"
it used to work when i was in year six because all the smaller children were quite naive and didn't realise that i didn't have the guts to follow through with my threat, but now, the year 8-9 are alot more cheeker and really couldn't care less if i reported them and i still don't have the guts to actually report them so i can't teach them a lesson.
some times I get the piss taken out of me for being so involved in school but to be honest i really don't care because its going to look great on my CV.

(: